Friday, June 20, 2014

Why You're Far Too Good To Wait For Him

Hi everyone. Today’s post is going to be a little bit different to anything I’ve posted before, but it’s something I really feel like I need to address in order to get over something that has recently happened in my personal life.

I have recently stopped seeing someone (well, I’m not even sure if you can call it ‘seeing’ because it only happened over the course of about a month), basically because it turned out we didn’t want the same things. At first, everything seemed perfect, and most of us girls will know what it is like to have a guy treat you so amazingly and say the most perfect things to you. I was smitten almost immediately, but I knew I had to be wary and keep my guard up. After some time, we met and I felt amazed that someone could be so sweet and good natured and kind, but then, for some reason, everything just stopped. All the texting throughout the day, the cute picture messages, the facebook messages etc just stopped. Every time I asked if he wanted to meet up, he was really up for it and came out and things were amazing again, but still, he wouldn’t be available to talk or text when we weren’t together. Two weeks pass of barely being in contact, and all the while I’m wondering how I should play it, or whether I should text him, or play hard to get, or whatever. The last time we hung out, again, it was amazing and I felt like I was being treated like a princess, but afterwards, again, NOTHING. No texts, no messages.

This is where I drew the line. I’ve had relationships in the past where I’ve been treated truly amazingly, and so my bar is set pretty high already. I was so smitten that for about a month I allowed this guy to play around with my feelings and lead me on without realising that he was just getting the best of both worlds, without actually having to commit. At first, I felt like I just wanted to wait around for him, because honestly I was infatuated and felt like I’d do anything to be with him and get treated the way I was treated when I was with him. The reality is though, that he simply couldn’t be bothered, and wasn’t ready, and didn’t know exactly what it was he wanted. Looking back now, despite speaking to this guy for over a month, I realise he never let me in, and I know almost nothing about him.

If someone ‘doesn’t know’ how they feel about you, then they aren’t anywhere near good enough for you. A real connection is between people who actually care, and who will both put an equal amount of effort into a relationship. It should never be you waiting by your phone for a text, and there should never be games where you play ‘hard to get’. It took me far too long to convince myself of how brilliant a person I was, and I really don’t have time to convince someone else! The person of your dreams; your soulmate; will just know. When you’ve found the right person, there won’t be any games, there won’t be any indecisiveness or dilly dallying. You just have to be strong enough to realise when something you want just isn’t going to happen, and that you’ve got to let go.

I read an article when I was feeling the most upset, and it really helped me out. It made me realise how ridiculous it was that I’d got my heart set on a person and for some reason I felt like I had to wait for him to realise how great I am, and that he wanted to be with me.

You’ve made a decision about him and decided to stick around in spite of the fact that he hasn’t got both feet in the relationship.
In fact, you’re waiting for him to make a decision about you, when you’ve already made a decision about him! Does that even make sense?
How horrible is it to be around someone who isn’t sure that they want to be with you when you have your heart and mind so set on him?”

When you’re with someone who can’t bring themselves to put both of their feet in the relationship and instead keeps a foot out, or just a toe in and makes it clear either through words or his actions that he is not on board. Instead of fighting for his attention, trying to prove yourself, trying to win, the fact that he is himming and hawing about you should be a serious indicator that something is wrong and that you need to step back, get real, and be careful of projecting what you think, feel, and believe on to him because clearly, you’re not on the same page.”
We are so much stronger than allowing ourselves to be treated like doormats. We are far too good to be picked up and put down by someone who just wants the best of both worlds. It’s hard not to be led on when someone makes such amazing promises and says such beautiful things, but if we teach them that we are happy to be ignored when it suits them, yet come dashing back at the first instance, we will only set ourselves up for a disappointing relationship.

It definitely helps to surround yourself with friends and family, and to throw yourself into your work and hobbies. Definitely don't go all psycho on them (I haven't even officially called things off with this guy; I'm just waiting for him to suggest we meet up so I can tell him he's got no chance!). For me, writing about it and reading positive, empowering articles has been my most helpful way of dealing with this. I’m counting it as a lucky escape; imagine how much worse it would be had things become more serious, and I’d developed true feelings for this boy. Just remember, us girls are clever; look at their body language, read the signs and trust your gut instinct. Remember what an incredible, bright, funny and dedicated person you are, and recognise why you're far too good for this idiot who can't see that for himself!


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