Hi everyone. Today’s post is
going to be a little bit different to anything I’ve posted before, but it’s
something I really feel like I need to address in order to get over something
that has recently happened in my personal life.
I have recently stopped seeing
someone (well, I’m not even sure if you can call it ‘seeing’ because it only
happened over the course of about a month), basically because it turned out we
didn’t want the same things. At first, everything seemed perfect, and most of
us girls will know what it is like to have a guy treat you so amazingly and say
the most perfect things to you. I was smitten almost immediately, but I knew I had
to be wary and keep my guard up. After some time, we met and I felt amazed that
someone could be so sweet and good natured and kind, but then, for some reason,
everything just stopped. All the texting throughout the day, the cute picture
messages, the facebook messages etc just stopped. Every time I asked if he
wanted to meet up, he was really up for it and came out and things were amazing
again, but still, he wouldn’t be available to talk or text when we weren’t
together. Two weeks pass of barely being in contact, and all the while I’m
wondering how I should play it, or whether I should text him, or play hard to
get, or whatever. The last time we hung out, again, it was amazing and I felt
like I was being treated like a princess, but afterwards, again, NOTHING. No
texts, no messages.
This is where I drew the line.
I’ve had relationships in the past where I’ve been treated truly amazingly, and
so my bar is set pretty high already. I was so smitten that for about a month I
allowed this guy to play around with my feelings and lead me on without
realising that he was just getting the best of both worlds, without actually
having to commit. At first, I felt like I just wanted to wait around for him,
because honestly I was infatuated and felt like I’d do anything to be with him
and get treated the way I was treated when I was with him. The reality is
though, that he simply couldn’t be bothered, and wasn’t ready, and didn’t know
exactly what it was he wanted. Looking back now, despite speaking to this guy for
over a month, I realise he never let me in, and I know almost nothing about
him.
If someone ‘doesn’t know’ how
they feel about you, then they aren’t anywhere near good enough for you. A real
connection is between people who actually care, and who will both put an equal
amount of effort into a relationship. It should never be you waiting by your
phone for a text, and there should never be games where you play ‘hard to get’.
It took me far too long to convince myself of how brilliant a person I was, and
I really don’t have time to convince someone else! The person of your dreams;
your soulmate; will just know. When you’ve found the right person, there won’t
be any games, there won’t be any indecisiveness or dilly dallying. You just
have to be strong enough to realise when something you want just isn’t going to
happen, and that you’ve got to let go.
I read an article when I was
feeling the most upset, and it really helped me out. It made me realise how
ridiculous it was that I’d got my heart set on a person and for some reason I
felt like I had to wait for him to realise how great I am, and that he wanted
to be with me.
“You’ve made a decision about him and decided to stick around
in spite of the fact that he hasn’t got both feet in the relationship.
In
fact, you’re waiting for him to make a decision about
you, when you’ve already made a decision about him! Does that even make sense?
How
horrible is it to be around someone who isn’t sure that they want to be with
you when you have your heart and mind so set on him?”
“When you’re
with someone who can’t bring themselves to put both of their feet in the
relationship and instead keeps a foot out, or just a toe in and makes it clear
either through words or his actions that he is not on board. Instead of
fighting for his attention, trying to prove yourself, trying to win, the fact
that he is himming and hawing about you should be a serious indicator that
something is wrong and that you need to step back, get real, and be careful of
projecting what you think, feel, and believe on to him because clearly, you’re
not on the same page.”
We are so much stronger than allowing ourselves to be
treated like doormats. We are far too good to be picked up and put down by
someone who just wants the best of both worlds. It’s hard not to be led on when
someone makes such amazing promises and says such beautiful things, but if we
teach them that we are happy to be ignored when it suits them, yet come dashing
back at the first instance, we will only set ourselves up for a disappointing
relationship.
It definitely helps to surround yourself with friends
and family, and to throw yourself into your work and hobbies. Definitely don't go all psycho on them (I haven't even officially called things off with this guy; I'm just waiting for him to suggest we meet up so I can tell him he's got no chance!). For me, writing
about it and reading positive, empowering articles has been my most helpful way
of dealing with this. I’m counting it as a lucky escape; imagine how much worse
it would be had things become more serious, and I’d developed true feelings for
this boy. Just remember, us girls are clever; look at their body language, read
the signs and trust your gut instinct. Remember what an incredible, bright, funny and dedicated person you are, and recognise why you're far too good for this idiot who can't see that for himself!
Article I read which really really helped!! - http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-you-shouldnt-wait-for-him-to-make-a-decision-about-you/
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